Now I know this is easy to say, and perhaps not quite so easy to bring about in reality, but nonetheless the fact is that if you allow fear of sex take charge of you, you’re going to experience a number of consequences.

First of them is premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, because both of these are conditions which have considerably significant emotional input to them — and in particular, premature ejaculation can be caused by fear and anxiety of all kinds.

The sad fact is that for many men sex is laden with fear and anxiety because they were never brought up to exude masculine power, and internally they are in an emotional state which denies them access to their male power: by male power I’m not talking about aggression, I’m talking about simple confidence about the status of a man in a sexual relationship.

In a sexual relationship it turns out that it’s the man who is designed to lead, both biologically and emotionally, and if he is incapable of doing this, then he may well feel inadequate.

The consequence of feeling inadequate is that he’s going to feel anxiety about whether or not he’s performing well, and what his emotional and sexual partner feels about him.

It’s not a good thing or a bad thing, it’s simply a statement of fact — men are the initiators during intercourse, they are designed to lead, they’re designed to feel powerful, and they’re designed to take the woman to a place where she wants to go during intercourse, which is one where she can open her heart because she completely trusts her man and has confidence in him to make her feel safe.

 

That feeling of safety is not going to develop adequately if the man is inadequately prepared to take his male role during the act of lovemaking.

So all of this could mean premature ejaculation — which in my opinion is a sign of fear or anxiety at the deepest level about sex, intimacy, or even possibly about just being close (physically and/or emotionally) to a woman.

Like it or not, men are troubled by premature ejaculation from their first sexual experience onwards — in at least 50% of cases, and perhaps as many as 75%, men feel that they cannot control their ejaculation and experience a rapid end to lovemaking, which generally means an end to any pleasure or chance of pleasure for the woman as well.

You see, for most of us, intercourse is predicated on the assumption that it finishes when a man has his orgasm and ejaculates, because that actually is what happens! A man loses interest in sex after he comes, even though a woman, after her orgasm, may wish to engage in further intimacy and sexual activity, it simply isn’t like that for a man.

Now all of this means an interesting dynamic from men who have premature ejaculation — at the simplest level, it’s a loss of confidence; a deeper level, it’s letting the partner down and feeling inadequate because of it; and at a further level still, it simply proves an inadequate performance which leads to even more anxiety. This in turn feeds back in a vicious spiral of ever-increasing premature ejaculation and greater and greater anxiety.

So in the face of this significant and very real male problem, a problem that actually impacts on both a woman and a relationship as well is the man, what’s to be done to stop ejaculation?

Well, the first and perhaps most important aspect of this is that there is help available — in many places on the Internet, for example, although not all of them are necessarily to be recommended by professional sex therapists!

The fact of the matter is that many of the websites on the Internet designed to help premature ejaculation are run by opportunist crooks who are out to make money, and who have no moral principles and very little biological or medical knowledge to back up what they say on their websites.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in the case of certain “overseas far eastern” websites which purport to offer an ancient Thai cure for premature ejaculation — this turns out to be nothing more than clamping down your PC muscles when you feel the first signs of impending ejaculation!

If ever there were a cure for premature ejaculation which was nothing of the kind, then PC muscle control is it!

The simple truth of the matter is that you need something far more sophisticated to control ejaculation, and in general only treatments which have been medically approved and are offered by professional sex therapists will do the job.

You see there is a biological component and an emotional component, and there’s certainly also a physical component — and while it’s true that your ejaculation is more powerful if you have a strong PC muscle,  this is not a route to ejaculation control per se.

Instead, you’re going to need to adopt certain behavioral changes, you’re going to need to condition your mind to respond to sexual arousal more slowly, so that you don’t end up over-aroused and ready to ejaculate at the drop of a hat, so to speak, and you’re going to need to change your mindset so that you step into a place of male power which will enable you to feel confident when you’re making love.

All of these things can be done, and they can be done quite easily if you know where to get the right information. One of the best sources of information for men with premature ejaculation – and especially about how to control it – at least the one of the best sources of information I am aware of, is Ejaculation by Command by Lloyd Lester.

I actually happen to have written a review site on the subject — you may not be surprised to know! — and this should help you to establish exactly whether or not this program is going to be of any assistance to you in seeking to extend the duration of lovemaking and control your ejaculatory reflex.

It’s important to remember that even if you’re having a really hard time with premature ejaculation you need to be kind to yourself, and you certainly don’t need to berate yourself as a failure — though I think if you don’t take action to cure this problem you might want to ask why you are not doing so….